Secret Gay Sex Gangs of the Suburbs

In my misspent teenage youth I survived two hellish years trapped in the suburbs, living in my sister’s basement.

Those were terrible times.

I was a queer, pagan, punk rocker from the big city suddenly teleported into the world of Sixteen Candles if it had been filmed as an extended episode of the Twilight Zone. Eventually I was enveloped in a little gang equal parts bohemian art students and weirdo outsiders. Except for the rotating cast of younger girls they dated I was the only female in the group, and I was roundly ostracized for not being girly.  Eventually I did end up dating two of the nicer guys but I would have been happier making out with their girlfriends. Yeah, I know they were brainless, slutty, traitors to their own gender who perpetuated an internalized sexism that represented everything I hated.

But some of them were *so* pretty.

See the biggest problem with the burbs ended up being I was trapped in the bisexual closet. The first sign of me ‘lezzing out’ and any tenuous happiness I’d managed to scrounge up would have become a living hell. Um… more of a living hell. Instead of a beachfront view of hell I would’ve been in the apartment blocks.

But even if I didn’t know it at the time I wasn’t alone. Years later I discovered three of the five guys in my group of friends were closet bisexuals. Which meant that they were simultaneously overtly homophobic fag haters and were covertly chugging each other’s cocks. It couldn’t have been more of a cliché if they had tried.

In hindsight it explains a lot of things.

Like, there were numerous times their ‘horsing around’ and ‘wrestling’ seemed a touch too familiar. I discovered on at least one occasion they had given each other blowjobs in the car on the way over to hang out. And I think he was too ashamed to say it but one of the guys from the group I dated probably was coerced into receiving anal. The ringleader of the group loved telling a story about a hot girl he hooked up with on the summer holidays. In graphic detail about what she did for him. Only it turns out it was actually a three-way with that girl and her brother.

The group fractured in our senior year for no understandable reason except now I think it makes sense. What I saw as a perceived struggle for leadership was actually a repressed bisexual love triangle where one guy couldn’t openly admit his feelings for a straight boy who had no idea his friends were attracted to him. Things got ugly. Vicious rumors, shaming graffiti on the school walls, prank calls and intimidating drive-bys late at night. In hindsight these closeted bisexual guys used every classic slut-shaming technique usually employed against women on the straight guy who had turned down their advances. I’ve never known gay guys to do this. It was something in the combination of closeted straight-boy privilege that created a whole new kind of reverse bisexual gay-bashing.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

Love,

CC

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