Sex Clubs, Full Frontal, and Fake Vanilla

I’m a big fan of naked ladies. Full stop. But there’s something exciting about burlesque. Maybe it’s the shared thrill of getting naked in public that makes me wet. You know, trying to imagine myself on stage, a crowd full of eyes whistling to every bare inch of skin I reveal. Maybe it’s the curiosity…

Secret Gay Sex Gangs of the Suburbs

In my misspent teenage youth I survived two hellish years trapped in the suburbs, living in my sister’s basement. Those were terrible times. I was a queer, pagan, punk rocker from the big city suddenly teleported into the world of Sixteen Candles if it had been filmed as an extended episode of the Twilight Zone.…

Tentacles in the Boardroom

Touching Myself Tuesdays is a semi-regular article describing inappropriate work fantasies.   You know how when you get stuck in long, boring meetings and start fantasizing about who in the room you would fuck if the meeting were a plane that crashed on a tropical island? We all do that, right? Well, that got too…

Return On Investment: deal with it bitches!

One of the more brutal ways reality dickslaps your fantasies in the face is calculating Return on Investment. It’s the triumph of hard math over starry-eyed aspirations. But self-published writers need to face the reality of the situation just like every other business. Yeah yeah, you’re not in it for the *money*, you’re a *purist*,…

Maybe You’re Not Allowed to Have Both

Over on Uproxx you can find an oral history of the 1996 Harriet the Spy movie. Now I’m not saying my enjoyment of Harriet the Spy as a child was an eerie premonition for my future career path, however it got me thinking. There are certain moments where we can see the potential courses in…

Can we Just Agree Lady Clankington is a Goddess?

As we all should be aware I have a soft (wet and shaved) spot for Victorian erotica. Something about the language, the innocence, the repressed sexuality and the possibility for adventure has always turned me on. HG Wells, Rudyard Kipling, Jules Verne, all those period adventures are just so much fun. Stiff-lipped heroes and feisty…